All I Want for Christmas is to Squeeze Into My Pants.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas when the likelihood of catching one of three renditions of “All I Want for Christmas” on 103.5 fm is as predictable as an 80 degree Winter day in sunny Orange County. You also know that everything is turning up Saint Nick and Hanukkah Harry (is he a thing?) when attempting to introduce the button to the button hole of your skinny jeans is much like praying for the resurgence of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo from the ghosts of TLC’s past…it’s just not happening any time soon.

Mama June is looking particularly fancy in time for the holidays!

Mama June is looking particularly fancy in time for the holidays!

While many make feeble attempts to eat “strategically” this holiday season in hopes of squeezing into that size 000 LBD when New Years Eve rolls around, to me, eating “strategically” means shifting my frozen yogurt cup around so I can pack in another ounce of cookie butter froyo before I’ve officially reached the rim of my decorative paper cup…whoops. Though rocking a pair of elasticized pants may be my reality when the ball drops, this is a sartorial fact of life I am willing to accept, as long as said elasticized pants are beglittered, bejeweled, and/or bedazzled. Thankfully finding such pants will be no trial, as store windows are lined with holiday-appropro looks that kindly forgive the season of giving…and receiving…in pounds.

Ladies, step into Christmas and into your pants.

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Jcrew Sequin Sweatshirt $79.50

Because I can’t even lie and say I haven’t shamelessly rolled into a party wearing a sweatshirt…srsly where was this guy when I needed him? Jcrew Sequin Trim Sweatshirt $79.50

I'm going to go ahead and assert that these joggers are too cute to actually be jogged in. Forever 21 Sequin Jogger $32.90

While jogging is overrated, these sparkly sweats are not. True story. Forever 21 Sequined Drawstring Joggers $32.90

topshop jumpsuit $75

A wise man once told me that the jumpsuit is the socially acceptable equivalent of pajama onesies. Thus, this metallic ensemble is basically party-approved  jammies. Yusss. Topshop Metallic Snakeskin Jumpsuit $75

I fondly dub this dress the tent of festivity. 'Nuff said. Mango Sequin Shift Dress $129.99

I fondly dub this dress the tent of festivity. ‘Nuff said. Mango Premium Sequin Shift Dress $129.99

Making room in my closet for these glittery track pants ASAP. Perfectly paired with a turtleneck and party ready pumps. H&M Loose Fit Pants $14.95

Making room in my closet for these roomy, glittery harem-style pants ASAP. Come at me, cookies. H&M Loose Fit Pants $14.95

One thought on “All I Want for Christmas is to Squeeze Into My Pants.

  1. Hi Alana,
    Deb Sandler here… Nick and Stephanie’s aunt. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your mom and dad. It was fun seeing them at Jessica Lander’s engagement party Saturday night. I am keeping up with your job hunt through your mom (the perfect job is just around the corner!) and with your AMAZING writing through your blog! I have ZERO fashion sense and am outside your targeted demo, but love your writing and fashion style nevertheless. Have a happy “sparkly sweats, sequined sweatshirt” holiday season and I will look forward to receiving your next blogpost! – “Auntie Deb”

    Like

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